Post Apocalyptic Commando Shark

IMDB Synopsis

In the post-apocalyptic future, the world is at war. The newly instated Soviet Russian Army has invaded the USA with the assistance of an evil German scientist who has created an army of super human soldiers, half-man and half-shark.

IMDB Rating: 3.8/10

Our Rating: 4.8/10

Superlatives:

Worst Use of Prosthetics

Least Attractive Cast

Our Reviews:

Filmed in a combination of locations that appear to be a person’s backyard, a black mold-riddled basement and a local VFW hall, this movie is about the U.S. being taken over by a Soviet army composed of half man/half shark soldiers. We’re meant to believe that the resistance is being led by a bunch of incompetent, morbidly obese white dudes in XXL surplus Army gear. The best part was the intentionally shitty, paper-mache shark head used for all of the Soviet shark soldiers, which features beady little M&M-sized eyes that sit completely askew on a face that looks like one of the disastrous shark cakes from Nailed It! on Netflix.

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Not the heroes we need, but certainly the ones we deserve. #2020

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While some movies make you feel like time is flowing at a snail's pace, Post Apocalyptic Commando Shark actually achieves time dilation, allowing you to finish your senior thesis in one night, proof read it, and do rewrites and then proof it again—all with ease—as long as this movie is playing in the background and you watch enough of it to stay engaged in the plot.

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The military strategies in here were all wrong, Ryan.

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You guys my mom has this garage in western NY we can use you wanna make a movie? Ok but we have to find a use for all these science smocks I got from my job at Cintas. Should we try to find anyone remotely attractive to put on camera? Look, I have to get this camera back to my cousin by Saturday, so let's just get a move on.

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Turns out if you cross Ivan Drago and the shark from Jaws, you get a compelling movie villain.