The Sorcerer's Apprentice

IMDB Synopsis

Balthazar Blake, an apprentice of the legendary magician Merlin, must train his old teacher's successor - an introverted but resourceful physics prodigy - in the art of sorcery to prevent the return of Morgana le Fay.

IMDB Rating: 6.1/10

Our Rating: 3.8/10

Our Reviews:

Nic Cage, dressed like famous early 2000’s pickup artist Mystery in a fedora, fingerless gloves and leather duster, has to teach a college student with major incel vibes how to become a master sorcerer in like a week’s time to prevent an evil sorceress from raising an army of dead sorcerers to enslave humanity. There’s an awkward, forced romance, a scene in which incel boy floods a building because he doesn’t know how to use a mop, and a finale where he somehow uses a tesla coil to defeat the evil sorceress. I spent much of my time focused more on how Nic Cage’s hairstyle vacillated between greasy homeless chic and fresh Meg Ryan blowout than what was actually going on, but at least this had a plot you could mostly follow and moderately entertaining action.

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Although the entire premise of the movie is grounded in fantasy/magic, the most unrealistic part was the notion that there's some sort of giant underground lair in New York where a 20-year-old is permitted to choreograph tesla coils to the tunes of One Republic, unsupervised. The term "Prime Merlinian," as well as the sad nod to the Fantasia mop/bucket sequence, was embarrassing for everyone involved.

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Admittedly, for a family-friendly Disney joint, this wasn't half bad. Quietly, this was the best performance Nic Cage's hair has ever given us because I believed that holy mane was actually his for some not insignificant portion of the film. He also plays an immortal in the movie which fills me with some hope that the white marble mausoleum pyramid he has in New Orleans was really just either an elaborate tax dodge or a classic troll.

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Early aughts pick-up artist Nic Cage teaches incel kid about how women and witches and you should fight them, or something.

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Do you believe in magic?! You do! Tell that to all the people dying of disease in the middle ages that all of these Disney wizards chose to ignore. Sure there were dragons and dancing brooms, but no one's quality of life was improved or really saved. The characters in this movie ultimately just rearranged the trash on the streets of New York.