Vampire's Kiss

IMDB Synopsis

After an encounter with a neck-biter, a publishing executive thinks that he's turning into a vampire.

IMDB Rating: 6/10

Our Rating: 9/10

Superlatives:

Best Nic Cage Quote: "I'M A VAMPIRE! I'M A VAMPIRE! I'M A VAMPIRE!"

Best Nic Cage Freakout: Apartment trashing

Best/Worst Choice of Accent: Donald Trump meets Valley Girl

Our Reviews:

Actual Nic Cage psychotic break, packaged into a film that pretends to be fictional.

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Presumably what happened after the director fed Nic Cage a bunch of cocaine, told him the general premise of the movie, and let him have at it. I'll never look at children's plastic vampire teeth the same way again.

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I'M A VAMPIRE, I'M A VAMPIRE, I'M A VAMPIRE!!! Cocaine IS a one hell of a drug. #CouchCoffin #NowIKnowMyABCsDoYou?

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I assume this film was originally concepted as a question and then expounded upon into a script. That question was simple: "What if cocaine?" What if, indeed. After a proper snort of pure Bolivian marching powder a follow-up question was provided as an answer, "What if vampires?" A knowing nod and a nose swan dive back onto a mirror coated in llello turned a whitened face to the ceiling loudly proclaiming, "WHAT IF MOVIE?!" This is one of the best films I have ever seen.

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I never want to watch Nic Cage be coked out or have sex ever again. (Narrator voice: she would see both of these things, many times, before quarantine was over.)